can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
