Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
