uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
