I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Need sex. Gaining weight.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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