Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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