Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(352): View more from Florida

So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field

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(406): View more from Montana

my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.

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(904): View more from Florida

Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job

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(925): View more from California

i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit

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(862): View more from New Jersey

I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.

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(614): View more from Ohio

I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.

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(530): View more from California

Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.

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(219): View more from Indiana

Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.

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