If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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