Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
