in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
