i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
