im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
