okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
third nipple confirmed
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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