Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
