my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
