Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
