pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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