Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I'm passing your future prison.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
