I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Sober January is a disaster.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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