i permit you to call me
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
