At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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