I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
