So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
