i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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