i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
