I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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