I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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