i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
