a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
