why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize