I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
