Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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