I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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