i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Congratulations! We have a period
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