did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
