i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
