i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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