He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
