Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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