I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
