You surviving the open bar?
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I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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