My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
