Where did you get a picture of my penis
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
