Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
