y did u give ur computer a hand job?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
In America we eat man semen.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
