I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
