dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
