Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
