Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
