He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
