she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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