one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
