she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
They took my balls.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
