This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
