the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
i think my cat just said my name.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
