I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
