the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
