if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
