I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
