we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Is Oprah even human
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
