my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You ruined the universe
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
