I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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