She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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