Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
