um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
