So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
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I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
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He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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