I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
