I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
