You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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