God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
