like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize