im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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