I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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